There has been a little bit of progress in Mike's condition. In addition to the recovery from the surgery to remove most of his colon, another big issue was Mike's psychotic behavior. He was pretty much incoherent for several days. He has started becoming more lucid, but he is in terrible pain. His surgery is recovering, so they moved him last night out of the ICU into a private room. That's a big progression. Yesterday was actually a great day. However, last night, Max stayed in the room with his brother. He says it was a horrible night. Mike was screaming and crying. My heart hurts just thinking about it.
What we basically know at this point is that Mike is going to die from this disease. We still are not sure how he's going to choose to proceed. If he chooses to go without the chemotherapy, he'll definitely be gone in the next twelve months. If he chooses the chemo, we thing he might last 2-3 years.
Honestly, at this point, I'm not sure which he'll choose. Other than Max, their mom, and an uncle, Mike has no other family. No girlfriend, no children, just an ex-wife. I don't think it would be selfish of him to choose against the chemo and to just live out the end of the days more comfortably.
Max feels like he needs to be out in southern California for his brother. At this point, I'm not sure exactly what that's going to entail. He's coming back here to Atlanta on Monday night. He wants me to go back with him next weekend. I think I'll go for a few days and then leave Max there. Someone is going to have to deal with the fact that Mike's house is under construction and will probably need to be sold, that Mike has his own wedding photography business that will probably need to be closed or sold, and that Mike doesn't have any important papers taken care of -- living will, power of attorney, will, etc.
Max is scared to death that if he spends weeks or months out there, I'm going to need to break up with him. That made me cry so much. I'm about 95% certain that we're on the same path here ... marriage some time in the next two years. If that's the case, then I think whatever he needs to do for his brother is fine. It will be hard work, but it's totally worth it to me. I think the only place I would draw the line is a permanent move to California. If Mike is still hanging on next summer, when I'd be able to find a job teaching, I'd consider going there for a year or so, but only on a temporary basis. Now we just have to figure out what to do about his job, insurance, etc. Since Max works for a national company, I'm hoping he can try to get a post out there and actually work a few days a week. Max's uncle has offered to be for 24/7 nursing care if the brother needs it.
So, not only would I not break up with him if he needed to stay a while, but I have several connections in the LA area. People who might be able to give Max a temporary job. People who might be able to bring meals. People who might be able to offer a helping hand. On my facebook account, I noticed that I have 17 friends in the LA area. I've never even been there! Most of them are college friends.
With Max's move to my house upon us, it's probably the best time for this to happen. I need Max here to move some things around. Even if he misses out on the actual move, I know I have friends who would pitch in to help pack, move, and clean his apartment if I needed them.
I think I'm going to have to ignore the room of woe for a few more weeks and tackle it after all this has calmed down. I'll get the entire house ready except for that room. Really, I'll just have to find a temporary space for Max's couch and coffee table (the only things nice enough for him to bring with him). I can squeeze them into my living room and move them as the room of woe empties out. I have a couch, table, and love seat in there that I was intending to sell once I had the room clean enough to see them. Max's furniture will be going in there.
The funny part to me is Butterbean the cat. A few years ago, I would have laughed at you if you told me I was going to be a cat owner. Now, I think I'm going to be living for a little while ALONE with a cat. Who'd a thunk it?
Enough of that. I went to a party last night. Mostly teachers who haven't seen each other since the end of May. I had lots of fun catching up ... hearing about the 7(!) teachers who are currently pregnant and due between October and February. I will not be drinking the water. I made a Cooking Light recipe that had good intentions but was pretty much taste-less. It was called Edamame-Garlic puree. I took that along with a tray of carrots, celery, broccoli, and pita wedges. Even with 10 cloves of garlic, it just tasted like a light green mush. Everyone thought it was tasteless guacamole. It was good to catch people up on what's been going on, have them miss out on seeing Max, and know that I have them as an additional support.
I haven't been doing a lot of eating. I guess that's a good part of this. I've been making mostly frozen dinners since it's easy, and I haven't been to the grocery store enough to have too many snack foods around. Plus the whole sitting around crying and staring at space thing has kind of been keeping me busy.
Tomorrow, I'm going to go home and get the entire house ready for move-in. Max comes in after midnight. We have a lot to do in the few days he's home. Go over what's going to have to get packed while he's gone. Maybe even get a few things packed. Lots to do.
Thanks for everything!
Kim :)
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Nonami
I grew up near a street called Nonami. As if the city couldn't come up with just one more name for one more street. That's how I feel today. I can't come up with a title ... so Nonami it is!
Not a lot to report that I have much control over. I went to synagogue tonight to
put in a good word for Max's family. It was nice to know that I had other people pulling for them as well. Of course, I know many of you are keeping us in your thoughts as well. Thanks.
I was going to try to make this post in someway not Max-filled. However, I don't really have much else to talk about right now. And, even though this may not be the exact right forum, it definitely feels good to get it all out there.
First, Max had a terrible experience yesterday getting from Atlanta to southern California. He was supposed to fly from Atlanta to Phoenix to Burbank. His mother was flying to Burbank and was supposed to land about 20 minutes before Max. Max's connecting flight got canceled (not delayed, but canceled). Three hours later, he took a flight to Los Angeles and somehow got the airline to shuttle him the one hour to Burbank. By that time, through phone tag messages, Max learned that his mom decided to stop waiting for him and take a cab to the hospital and hotel. When Max finally got to Burbank, rented the car, and called his mother to get the names and addresses of the hospital and hotel, his mother had TURNED HER CELL PHONE OFF! He was so frustrated and had no idea where he was supposed to go. Long story short, he finally found her, but he had to work very hard to keep his temper. Yesterday was a long day for everyone.
Here's the really sucky part. Max's brother, Mike, has been diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. Of the stages, four is the worst. We were 'hoping' that it was going to be stage 3A, 3B, or 3C (of course, hoping that it was nothing, too). There is basically about a 5% chance that he will live for the next five years. Max says it's a very bad situation. The cancer has spread to a lot of Mike's body already. He will hopefully be starting chemo in two weeks, followed by other treatments as needed.
Mike has other issues as well ... rheumatoid arthritis, Crohns, depression, etc. I don't know if it's because he's been off of his medications, but Mike is having some serious psychotic episodes in the ICU. Honestly, I don't know if he'll make it a few weeks in order to start the chemo. He is barely cognizant of his mother and brother being there with him, and they are starting to think that he may not gain a lot of lucidity back.
Max and his mom went to Mike's house today to start 'putting his affairs in order.' Mike is only 40, and though he owns his own house and business, I don't think he has a will or any of those types of things set up. Mike's house is currently being remodeled, and Max says it's a mess.
Max's mom is doing okay physically right now, but of course, she's having a hard time mentally with the whole thing. As I wrote earlier this week, she has breast cancer. I believe it's in remission, and I think Max once told me that she had had a double mastectomy a few years ago. I'm not sure what it is that keeps her in pain, but she has basically been in constant pain for years now.
I'm praying for all of them. For Mike, who probably won't live another twelve months. For their mom, who is having to watch one of her children die a painful death. For Max, who is trying to hold it all together and be the one who is holding all of the loose strings. I'm also praying for me. It may seem self-centered to do that, but this is also difficult for me. I feel like a total outsider who is supposed to feel like an insider. I've realized that all I can do is be there for Max and listen to him. I've realized that I can't fix this, and that I can't even attempt to.
What a mess. But I am eating pretty well, so that's a good thing. I'm going to a BBQ tomorrow, so I'm going to take a few WW-friendly things. I might actually go to the gym tomorrow too. I think it will help me clear my head.
Thanks again for just listening.
Kim :)
Not a lot to report that I have much control over. I went to synagogue tonight to
put in a good word for Max's family. It was nice to know that I had other people pulling for them as well. Of course, I know many of you are keeping us in your thoughts as well. Thanks.
I was going to try to make this post in someway not Max-filled. However, I don't really have much else to talk about right now. And, even though this may not be the exact right forum, it definitely feels good to get it all out there.
First, Max had a terrible experience yesterday getting from Atlanta to southern California. He was supposed to fly from Atlanta to Phoenix to Burbank. His mother was flying to Burbank and was supposed to land about 20 minutes before Max. Max's connecting flight got canceled (not delayed, but canceled). Three hours later, he took a flight to Los Angeles and somehow got the airline to shuttle him the one hour to Burbank. By that time, through phone tag messages, Max learned that his mom decided to stop waiting for him and take a cab to the hospital and hotel. When Max finally got to Burbank, rented the car, and called his mother to get the names and addresses of the hospital and hotel, his mother had TURNED HER CELL PHONE OFF! He was so frustrated and had no idea where he was supposed to go. Long story short, he finally found her, but he had to work very hard to keep his temper. Yesterday was a long day for everyone.
Here's the really sucky part. Max's brother, Mike, has been diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. Of the stages, four is the worst. We were 'hoping' that it was going to be stage 3A, 3B, or 3C (of course, hoping that it was nothing, too). There is basically about a 5% chance that he will live for the next five years. Max says it's a very bad situation. The cancer has spread to a lot of Mike's body already. He will hopefully be starting chemo in two weeks, followed by other treatments as needed.
Mike has other issues as well ... rheumatoid arthritis, Crohns, depression, etc. I don't know if it's because he's been off of his medications, but Mike is having some serious psychotic episodes in the ICU. Honestly, I don't know if he'll make it a few weeks in order to start the chemo. He is barely cognizant of his mother and brother being there with him, and they are starting to think that he may not gain a lot of lucidity back.
Max and his mom went to Mike's house today to start 'putting his affairs in order.' Mike is only 40, and though he owns his own house and business, I don't think he has a will or any of those types of things set up. Mike's house is currently being remodeled, and Max says it's a mess.
Max's mom is doing okay physically right now, but of course, she's having a hard time mentally with the whole thing. As I wrote earlier this week, she has breast cancer. I believe it's in remission, and I think Max once told me that she had had a double mastectomy a few years ago. I'm not sure what it is that keeps her in pain, but she has basically been in constant pain for years now.
I'm praying for all of them. For Mike, who probably won't live another twelve months. For their mom, who is having to watch one of her children die a painful death. For Max, who is trying to hold it all together and be the one who is holding all of the loose strings. I'm also praying for me. It may seem self-centered to do that, but this is also difficult for me. I feel like a total outsider who is supposed to feel like an insider. I've realized that all I can do is be there for Max and listen to him. I've realized that I can't fix this, and that I can't even attempt to.
What a mess. But I am eating pretty well, so that's a good thing. I'm going to a BBQ tomorrow, so I'm going to take a few WW-friendly things. I might actually go to the gym tomorrow too. I think it will help me clear my head.
Thanks again for just listening.
Kim :)
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Weekly Weigh-In
Thanks so much for all of your prayers for Max's family. He is currently en route to southern California (with a canceled connecting flight, no less). He's meeting his mom there and then heading out to see the brother. I think he'll be there 5 or 6days.
I'm realizing that I misread my tracker last week and I actually gained 3.8 pounds ... not 2.2! This week, I lost 3.4! That gives me a net loss in the last few weeks of 1.2 pounds. That's pretty good for not really trying. I didn't meet all the goals I set for myself, namely with exercising. However, I'm keeping the same goals this week. Maybe with Max gone and me not trying to adapt to his working overnight schedule, I'll get a better pattern going.
Sarah, I hate to tell you this, but there will not be a before shot of the room of woe. I asked Max to take my camera with him to California. I don't know if he'll actually take any pictures, but I told him to blame me. The only 'recent' picture I've seen of either his mom or brother are from his brother's wedding about 10 years ago (he's been divorced for several years already). If we have children, I want them to know their relatives, even if they are no longer with us.
This week, I'm going to focus on getting at least the entire house ready except the room of woe. Maybe I'll even tackle it, but that's going to be my 'super goal.' Wish me luck with all of it!
I'm realizing that I misread my tracker last week and I actually gained 3.8 pounds ... not 2.2! This week, I lost 3.4! That gives me a net loss in the last few weeks of 1.2 pounds. That's pretty good for not really trying. I didn't meet all the goals I set for myself, namely with exercising. However, I'm keeping the same goals this week. Maybe with Max gone and me not trying to adapt to his working overnight schedule, I'll get a better pattern going.
Sarah, I hate to tell you this, but there will not be a before shot of the room of woe. I asked Max to take my camera with him to California. I don't know if he'll actually take any pictures, but I told him to blame me. The only 'recent' picture I've seen of either his mom or brother are from his brother's wedding about 10 years ago (he's been divorced for several years already). If we have children, I want them to know their relatives, even if they are no longer with us.
This week, I'm going to focus on getting at least the entire house ready except the room of woe. Maybe I'll even tackle it, but that's going to be my 'super goal.' Wish me luck with all of it!
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
It's just not fair
I cannot seem to stop crying for more than a few hours today. At least this time, I know why I'm crying. Max got a terrible phone call yesterday that his younger brother was in the hospital in southern California. Today he had some sort of surgery to try to figure out what was going on with his insides. The doctor says that he has very advanced colon cancer that has already started to spread to other parts of his body. The doctors are going to start him on chemo very soon but the outlook is really bad right now. Max thinks he's going to head out there this weekend to help him put his affairs in order. I don't think most 40 year old single people with no kids even have wills. I imagine they have a lot of work to do.
Despite the fact that this totally sucks for the brother, what's really not fair is how hard this family has been hit.
Everyone but Max's mom has had a life-long autoimmune disease. Max's brother got the bad one, Crohn's Disease, which their dad also had. Max got off fairly easy with psoriasis. It affects him daily, but it's definitely just a skin thing. Thank goodness his insides are okay.
Their mom lives outside of Phoenix, and she has been living with breast cancer for a few years now. She's usually okay, but she has been in the hospital a couple times in the last year. Max's dad died several years ago from skin cancer. What the hell did this family do to deserve all of this? Even the cat has a thyroid condition.
I feel badly that Max's family isn't close geographically. I've never met anyone in the family, but I have spoken with his mom and brother on the phone before.
Is my family the rarity in that we haven't been plagued by disease? If so, thank g-d for that. However, it's just so sad that they keep getting sick. Will Max follow suit? Will his luck pass to me? After all, I haven't heard from the doctor about the lab work from my biopsy from last week. Can you imagine if I have to pile a bad report on top of this?
It feels good to just be able to put this out there without you all trying to stop my tears. I've been a big crybaby lately, and I just feel bad that Max has gotten the brunt of it. Y'all aren't going to dance around naked trying to get me to laugh like he does. Are you?
Weigh in tomorrow. At least I don't think I've gained. We'll see about the loss. Three different scales (mine, Max's, WW) tell three different stories. I'll cross my fingers!
Despite the fact that this totally sucks for the brother, what's really not fair is how hard this family has been hit.
Everyone but Max's mom has had a life-long autoimmune disease. Max's brother got the bad one, Crohn's Disease, which their dad also had. Max got off fairly easy with psoriasis. It affects him daily, but it's definitely just a skin thing. Thank goodness his insides are okay.
Their mom lives outside of Phoenix, and she has been living with breast cancer for a few years now. She's usually okay, but she has been in the hospital a couple times in the last year. Max's dad died several years ago from skin cancer. What the hell did this family do to deserve all of this? Even the cat has a thyroid condition.
I feel badly that Max's family isn't close geographically. I've never met anyone in the family, but I have spoken with his mom and brother on the phone before.
Is my family the rarity in that we haven't been plagued by disease? If so, thank g-d for that. However, it's just so sad that they keep getting sick. Will Max follow suit? Will his luck pass to me? After all, I haven't heard from the doctor about the lab work from my biopsy from last week. Can you imagine if I have to pile a bad report on top of this?
It feels good to just be able to put this out there without you all trying to stop my tears. I've been a big crybaby lately, and I just feel bad that Max has gotten the brunt of it. Y'all aren't going to dance around naked trying to get me to laugh like he does. Are you?
Weigh in tomorrow. At least I don't think I've gained. We'll see about the loss. Three different scales (mine, Max's, WW) tell three different stories. I'll cross my fingers!
Cleaning Frenzy
As I mentioned before, Max is moving in with me soon. We are usually at his house because of his cat. So in the 15 months we've been together, I think he may have showered here once. For the last six months at least, my house has just been a dumping grounds. I come home once or twice a week, check the mail, drop off clothes I'm not going to be wearing for a while, and that's about it. I have not cleaned house in months, and there is so much clutter (especially around the front door).
I moved into my condo almost exactly five years ago. It was pretty clean and organized once I'd been here a while. Too bad I really haven't deep-cleaned or reorganized as I've gotten new belongings. I am a collector of stuff. I wouldn't go so far as to call me a hoarder (I have two friends who are certifiable hoarders, and I'm VERY different). I have a lot of stuff that I have accumulated over the last 32 years, and especially in the last 5.
Once I have something, it's very rare for me to keep it really clean or to get rid of it. Case in point ... I cleaned out my pantry. I threw out FOOD that expired in 1999. That's the year I moved to Atlanta (and 4 years before I moved into the current location). Granted it was just cocoa powder, but there were things that were more perishable that expired several years ago.
I'm really afraid that Max doesn't realize just how much STUFF I have. He really doesn't have much ... doesn't want much either. So, I'm trying to get rid of some things (purge isn't the right word, but it's close).
I have been a busy girl. Max still has his weird schedule in which he is working a lot of overnight shifts (yuck for both of us). So, I came 'home' for a few days to work on getting it ready for him. So far, I've tackled four closets (linen, coat, etc.), the pantry, and the kitchen. I have gotten a LOT done, and I'm proud of what I've gotten through. I still have to clean out the two bathrooms. I am certain I'm going to be throwing out cosmetics I haven't used since I moved in. I need to clean out my drawers and make space for his clothing. Thank goodness he doesn't have much.
However, the part I'm totally avoiding is cleaning out what I call the 'room of woe.' I am not looking forward to this. The room of woe is the dumping grounds for everything. The door has a lock on it, so therefore, it is almost always locked when I have people over. Max has never seen it. I haven't decided yet, but I may take before and after shots.
Around 4:00 this morning I was still lying here awake, so I decided to get up and work. I worked until nearly 9 a.m.! The kitchen is like a new being. The coat closet doesn't have many coats (I do live in HOTlanta after all), but it's organized with all my shoes and purses. The linens are all being washed so I can reorganize the linen closet. I feel like I got a ton accomplished, and I'm so thankful that I'm a teacher on vacation. So, I'm off to bed for a few hours. Will get up in a little while, take a load to Goodwill, and start all over again!
Later today ... bathrooms, one more closet, and bureau will be done. I might just tackle the room of woe. We'll see.
I moved into my condo almost exactly five years ago. It was pretty clean and organized once I'd been here a while. Too bad I really haven't deep-cleaned or reorganized as I've gotten new belongings. I am a collector of stuff. I wouldn't go so far as to call me a hoarder (I have two friends who are certifiable hoarders, and I'm VERY different). I have a lot of stuff that I have accumulated over the last 32 years, and especially in the last 5.
Once I have something, it's very rare for me to keep it really clean or to get rid of it. Case in point ... I cleaned out my pantry. I threw out FOOD that expired in 1999. That's the year I moved to Atlanta (and 4 years before I moved into the current location). Granted it was just cocoa powder, but there were things that were more perishable that expired several years ago.
I'm really afraid that Max doesn't realize just how much STUFF I have. He really doesn't have much ... doesn't want much either. So, I'm trying to get rid of some things (purge isn't the right word, but it's close).
I have been a busy girl. Max still has his weird schedule in which he is working a lot of overnight shifts (yuck for both of us). So, I came 'home' for a few days to work on getting it ready for him. So far, I've tackled four closets (linen, coat, etc.), the pantry, and the kitchen. I have gotten a LOT done, and I'm proud of what I've gotten through. I still have to clean out the two bathrooms. I am certain I'm going to be throwing out cosmetics I haven't used since I moved in. I need to clean out my drawers and make space for his clothing. Thank goodness he doesn't have much.
However, the part I'm totally avoiding is cleaning out what I call the 'room of woe.' I am not looking forward to this. The room of woe is the dumping grounds for everything. The door has a lock on it, so therefore, it is almost always locked when I have people over. Max has never seen it. I haven't decided yet, but I may take before and after shots.
Around 4:00 this morning I was still lying here awake, so I decided to get up and work. I worked until nearly 9 a.m.! The kitchen is like a new being. The coat closet doesn't have many coats (I do live in HOTlanta after all), but it's organized with all my shoes and purses. The linens are all being washed so I can reorganize the linen closet. I feel like I got a ton accomplished, and I'm so thankful that I'm a teacher on vacation. So, I'm off to bed for a few hours. Will get up in a little while, take a load to Goodwill, and start all over again!
Later today ... bathrooms, one more closet, and bureau will be done. I might just tackle the room of woe. We'll see.
Monday, July 7, 2008
A few pix
I've been taking lots of pictures with my new camera! I'm going to post a few of Max, me, and our cat Butterbean.
I have another new blog below.
July 4th in Atlanta
My dorky boyfriend
Butterbean trying to hide in the covers
I have another new blog below.
July 4th in Atlanta
My dorky boyfriend
Butterbean trying to hide in the covers
A fun-filled weekend
Not a whole lot to report except that I had a good weekend with lots to do.
Started on Thursday with some fireworks in a suburb here in Atlanta. Lots of friends. We met up for dinner beforehand. I didn't do so good at dinner, but the good thing was I didn't snack during fireworks.
Friday, we met some other friends for different fireworks. Hit up Subway on the way and brought some snacks with us as well.
Saturday, I worked most of the day making my house Max-friendly. I have so much crap I have accumulated. I don't know how in the world I'm going to make my home seem like it's his as well. I have a huge project on my hands here.
Today, I met up with some friends to go out to dinner (yummy Thai) and go to a play.
The week coming up doesn't have a whole lot to it. Max is working some overnight shifts, which means he sleeps during the day. I'm going to spend some time at my own house working on it. Yuck.
Hope y'all have a great week to come!
Started on Thursday with some fireworks in a suburb here in Atlanta. Lots of friends. We met up for dinner beforehand. I didn't do so good at dinner, but the good thing was I didn't snack during fireworks.
Friday, we met some other friends for different fireworks. Hit up Subway on the way and brought some snacks with us as well.
Saturday, I worked most of the day making my house Max-friendly. I have so much crap I have accumulated. I don't know how in the world I'm going to make my home seem like it's his as well. I have a huge project on my hands here.
Today, I met up with some friends to go out to dinner (yummy Thai) and go to a play.
The week coming up doesn't have a whole lot to it. Max is working some overnight shifts, which means he sleeps during the day. I'm going to spend some time at my own house working on it. Yuck.
Hope y'all have a great week to come!
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